| As the Sun Falls behind the Horizon, so do the last grains of Sand |
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[01 Jul 2004|10:50pm] |
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Eh. Fuck this journal. Fuck you people. And fuck the world. Im done with it.
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[22 Jun 2004|08:34am] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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I can't keep this on a chain anymore...
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| Stick a fork in me, I'm done. |
[21 Jun 2004|01:11pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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My brain hurts. TOo much thinking, too much dieing, too much shit to sort through at the moment. It feels like Im going into a meltdown...argh. Fucking headache. blah. Fucking people. Fucking stupidity.
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| All my hopes and dreams. Arent even real. |
[17 Jun 2004|02:06am] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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If only I could take it all away
If only I could find ur debt to pay
If only one day could have changed
But this was all prearranged
You had to walk on into that accursed fire
But those flames kept climbing higher and higher
If only I could have taken all your pain
Instead of acting like everything was so mundane
So Ill take your hand before you slip below
Into the dark waters of the sea of sorrow
Please this once put all your fate into me
I'll fight our way through this forsaken debris
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[16 Jun 2004|03:54pm] |
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
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| It was only a pebble... only a pebble |
[15 Jun 2004|09:44am] |
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mood |
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Welp. No sleep, not tired, but really fucking bored. Kiffers to my right, he's passed out, and it looked like he really needed the sleep. My sleep scheduals totally screwed. So I have no idea when Im going to pass out. Im hoping I will when I get home this afternoon and wake up in the evening. ( Ney if im not on AIM by 5 30 or so start calling to wake my lazy ass up ).
There really isnt much else to say... I am ueber happy that You are finally home and safely, Courtney.
Jaeger over/out
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[05 Jun 2004|12:48pm] |
Well Im just about packed and ready. Im finally getting up to the lake, and unfortuantly theres gonna be a shitload of work to do.
If you wanna talk call me 1-706-947-3317, I got free long distance so Ill just call you right back...or something. errr. ya
And on top of that my dads being a fucking Nazi and doesnt want me to hang out with kiffer or talan or any of my other friends I like.
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[25 May 2004|01:25am] |
blurred vision by the sand
That falls through the hour glass
lack of wisdom trying to understand
The chink in the ammor of the mass
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[11 May 2004|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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The good and the bad always balance out eventually. Weeeee. Things are looking better, can't wait for summer to be here. I'll be free to do what I want! No more drama, no more bullshit, just me, kiffer, brad, Talan and Sarge. Omg...this summer is gonna fucking rock! weeee
Okay enough like overflowing of happiness thingie. Love you all.
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[06 May 2004|10:06pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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Im sorry. Im not good enough. I know this...just let me fade. Dont pretend to be my friend and talk to people about me... when you dont know me.
Id take pain over ignorance any day....
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[01 May 2004|10:46am] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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I thought the future held
a perfect place for us
That together we would learn to be
the best that we could be
In my naivety I ran
I fell and lost my way
Somehow I always end up falling over me
And one day
I woke to find
The future had no place
for me
I was unwanted in a world
that with my hands I helped build
Where once was honesty and pride
I now stand broken and alone
Just a shadow
of what I was meant to be
They say that "Time will heal"
"The truth shall set us free"
Well that depends
on what it is
that you choose to believe
In this prison made of lies
We see what it is we want to see
And find comfort in this
broken hall of dreams
Does anybody feel
the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?
I believe in you
Will you believe in me?
Or am I alone
in this hall of dreams?
I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
in anything
Somehow I'm always
always falling over me
Somehow I'm always
I'm always falling over me
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[26 Apr 2004|07:16pm] |
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mood |
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Disappointed in Myself |
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I'm growing tired of how I act.. Off instinct like some animal. Im better than the rest of these fucks. Time to act like it.
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[25 Apr 2004|01:19am] |
how so delightfully pathetic. Tho pretty true at the same time. --shrugs-- No worries, I found a few people worth living for.
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[23 Apr 2004|06:21pm] |
"Noone is worthy to judge who should die and who shall live. Noone ever was or is."
" A few choice poeple deserve to disappear from this blessed land."
Change comes swiftly and sometime unnoticed.
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| And the doors close |
[11 Apr 2004|02:25am] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
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Im really tired. Of everything. School, family, drama, and fucking hell, even my
friends. I just kindda wanna fade away. It seems I do better when Im not around
people. I don't fit in with any body, I'm not one thing or not the other. And
truthfully I have been feeling really shitty for a really long time. Its been like
almost 2 years. The begining of 8th grade just started the suck. I miss the days
when I was me. Not some product of society. I feel like leather stretched tightly
over a drum. I am worn with age and I have many cracks from ill-use. I just feel so
shitty. Im lost withen myself. Sky and earth seem to merge inside myself and I keep
walking and getting lost in the perpetual dusk. Theres so many fucking shadows and
they always linger just out of my flash lights range. God I sound like such a
fucking emo. Whatever, Im pretty much done with Lj.
Good luck with life Everyone. I will pray for you. And I will always keep you in my heart.
Forever loving
Aussie.
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[07 Apr 2004|08:38pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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I was digging in the garden today and I saw that I had killed a small insect. I said a prayer asking for forgiveness and carried on. I let my mind wonder and I begun thinking.
" We are the only animals that destroy more than we create. We create life with birth. And we also take it away with abortion. We create buildings of great scales. And we also destroy homes and families. We create beauty and music that sing from souls. And we also destroy hearts and minds with our screams of hatred...
Do we subconciously live to kill and destroy all beauty in this world? Is that what we really desire? Chaos, Anger, Rage, Angst, Destruction, death.
We are what we will ourselves to be. Too bad most of what I see when I look around are pathetic, low, desgusting wastes of life that only cause pain and waste away their lives on things of this world. How pathetic.. How fitting. And how fucked up I am amoung their ranks. I am no better than them, unless I will myself to be."
I returned to the garden then. Creating and nuturing life is the only pleasure I get from this world.
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[03 Apr 2004|11:46am] |
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I Love how I fuck everything up eventually..
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[30 Mar 2004|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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It seems that my and my owns time in this period of drought and famine( hehe Ney! ) has come to an end. My friends are letting go of the blackness around them ( those that matter anyways. ) and they are walking towards spring meadows where streams overflow with life. The nights seem to both cool the flesh and ease the soul, and the moon's radiance is become something marting jealousy. Slowly our paths are forming into one road paithed with dawns light. We are finally comming out of the black forest we have seem to have wondered lone for so many moons. Now, we all have something to look forward to with both hope and passion distilled in our hearts and in our eyes. The future almost wispers promises of prosperity. And if it lies...well. Somehow in this moment, it doesn't seem to matter.
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| Its pointless to rant, Noone wants to hear it. |
[28 Mar 2004|11:31pm] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
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"Roots Radicals"
Took the 60 bus
out of downtown Cambell Ben Zandito
he was on there he was waitin' for me
all the punk rockers
and the moon stompers
are out on the corners where
they sparing for change
I started thinkin'
you know I started drinkin'
you know I don't remember too much of that day
somethin' struck me funny when we ran out of money
Where do you go now when your only 15?
with the music execution and the talk of revolution
it bleeds in me and it goes
give 'em the boot the roots the radicals
give 'em the boot you know I'm a radical
give 'em the boot the roots the reggae on my stereo
the radio was playin' Desmon Dekker was singin'
on the 49 bus as we climb up the hill
nothin' incoming but the reggae drummin'
and we all come from unloving homes
why even bother I pick up the bohle
hey mr. bus driver please let these people on
rude girl Carol was a mini-skirt girl
my blurry vision saw nothin' wrong
Punk is the only thing that keeps me sain or keeps me being me. Fuck you all.
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